Ah, Valentine’s Day—when we collectively decide that love, lust, and lubes (yes, you heard me) deserve their own holiday. As I sit drafting a romantic comedy, Twice Upon a Time, about a 50-year-old newly divorced woman who is navigating her best friend’s challenge to date 20 people in 20 days when an old lover returns upending her calm, I am wondering what it really means to ‘be in love.’ Is it about desire? Lust? Passion? Friendship on fire? Or is it all merely a cunning ploy by the chocolate industry to make us feel lonely, depressed, and guilty as we gain weight from the sugar rush?
A Brief History of Valentine’s Day: How Did We Get Here?
Let’s rewind. Somewhere in the murky past, St. Valentine, a priest who lived in Rome during the 3rd century. Legend has it, Valentine was a rebel for love, performing secret marriages of lovebirds that the land-holding families did not approve. Afterall, marriage was a contract for consolidating property, increasing tribal continuity, and keeping families from going to war with each other, or so it was thought. Marrying for love made as much sense as a chicken riding a horse. When Valentine’s actions were discovered, he was arrested and sentenced to death. According to legend, while in prison, he healed the jailer’s blind daughter, and before his execution, sent her a letter signed “Your Valentine,” an expression that later became widely used in Valentine’s Day messages.
It wasn’t until the Middle Ages that Valentine’s Day solidified its association with love and romance. This was partly due to the belief that birds began their mating season on February 14th, a notion popularized by the poet Geoffrey.
Now, fast forward to today. Why do we honor the self-sacrificing St. Valentine by spending exorbitant amounts on soon-to-die red roses and those infamous velvet heart-shaped boxes of chocolate? Who knew rebellion could taste so… sinful and satisfying?
Why Red? Why Hearts? Why, Oh Why?
Why so much red, anyway? Red roses, red hearts, red lingerie… Did Cupid’s arrow hit a tomato? Red symbolizes passion, sure, but it’s also the color of warnings and stop signs. Upon closer inspection red represented St. Valentine’s blood as it flowed through the streets to warn other lovebirds to rein it in and do as the church and family told you, young lady, and marry the town’s rich 70-year-old toothless count and not that sexy young buck who works at the blacksmiths. Valentine’s heartfelt actions represented peril, a red flag warning about the dangers of passion—or, today perhaps, the impending doom of your credit card balance to pay for that February 14 dinner with the overpriced long-stemmed roses.
The Greeks Had It All Figured Out, Of Course
Before we let capitalism monopolize the holiday with a narrow definition of ‘love,’ the Greeks had a more nuanced take on the subject. They broke ‘love’ down into multiple and sometimes overlapping categories: Eros (romantic love), Philia (friendship), Storge (familial love), and Agape (universal love). I reflect on these in the Epilogue to my memoir, The Practical Seductress: “We all wear many hats in our search for love—spouse, lover, partner, parent, and friend.” I’ve always admired how wise the Greek philosophers were to acknowledge that love isn’t one-size-fits-all, much like the stretchy, one-size-fits-no one Valentine’s Day lingerie that gets used once then thrown in the back of the drawer.
Modern Love: A Comedy of Errors
In my upcoming book Twice Upon a Time, my protagonist Ronni learns that love post-50 is just as messy and confusing as it was at 20. Dating is a blend of awkward encounters, misplaced hopes, and the occasional rekindled flame. Much like the Valentine’s Day itself—half expectation, half sheer comedy.
Embracing the Joy (and Absurdity) of Love
So, what’s the takeaway? Valentine’s Day is a reminder that love is as complicated as it is wonderful. It’s a day to celebrate passion, yes, but also friendship and self-care. Whether you’re in a relationship, single, or somewhere in between, let’s embrace the day with humor and a hefty dose of reality. After all, love isn’t perfect, but it sure makes life a lot more interesting. Now, please excuse me while I buy myself some overpriced chocolates, and listen to John Lennon sing, “all you need is love,” because love in any guise is still worth celebrating.